"Good Times"...Restore 'em!
Pastor Mike Metzger, Associate Pastor

Understanding why couples lose the "good times" will enable you to restore true intimacy. Read the following article and then contact Mike Metzger, FBBC Associate Pastor, at 392-0777, for Couples Counseling. His truth-based,loving counsel will get you on your way to the relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ and with your spouse that Our Heavenly Father designed for YOU!

In counseling many couples over 29 years of ministry, I have found there are problems that are common to all marital relationships. These are not the only problems that most couples face, but these show up on a consistent basis. They are not given in a particular order; these are just the most common.

1. Spiritual Abandonment (Ps. 127:1)

Spiritual abandonment is manifested by the absence of God and His Word in the day-to-day life of the husband or wife, or both. A lack of devotion to God and the Bible is a cancer that spreads rapidly and destroys the very core of the marriage. The reason that a daily spiritual life is so vital to a healthy marriage is for the filling of the Holy Spirit to occur. In Ephesians 5:17-18, we are commanded, be filled with the Spirit for it is the will of God. When we are saved, we have a new nature or become a new man. Colossians 3:16 says "Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly." God's word is the fuel that feeds the new man. We become different as the Spirit controls us. When we don't feed the new nature, it becomes anorexic and our old nature, the fleshly man, takes control; we do what comes naturally. When the old man is in control, there is selfishness, self-centeredness, conditional love, and an unwillingness to sacrifice for our spouse. Compare Ephesians 5:19-6:5 with Col.3:16-25. You will see that when the new man is alive, there is joy, thankfulness, submission to each other, the wife reverences her husband, the husband loves his wife and demonstrates it, children obey... God is honored.

Love comes from God, 1 John 4:7-8. If we cut off our love relationship with Him, then we cut off the supply of love needed to love our neighbor (spouse). Result: the marriage shrivels and dies. The solution to restoring passion in your marriage is to restore your passion for God and His Word. Feed the new nature so you don't live in the old fleshly nature, which is never satisfied.

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Women of Faith will return to Rochester June 5-6, 2009 with "A Grand New Day". We are interested in purchasing group seats, and must have at least 25 women to do so. Prices for the entire weekend, with a group discount and including a box lunch Friday and Saturday, are $79 for standard seating and $99 for premium seating - this is $20 less than two years ago! Special guest artist is Steven Curtis Chapman; others on the tour include Patsy Clairmont, Sheila Walsh, Marilyn Meberg, Mandisa, and Nicole C. Mullen. If you are interested, you must put down a $20 deposit which will be returned if we do not get 25 people. SIGN UP DEADLINE IS MARCH 15, full payment will be due at that time. For more information about the event, go to http://www.womenoffaith.com/Rochester/ . Sign up forms will be at the South Welcome Center. Let's see if we can get a group to go this June!

The Holy Alphabet

• Although things are not perfect
• Because of trial or pain
• Continue in thanksgiving
• Do not begin to blame
• Even when the times are hard
• Fierce winds are bound to blow
• God is forever able
• Hold on to what you know
• Imagine life without His love
• Joy would cease to be
• Keep thanking Him for all the things
• Love imparts to thee
• Move out of "Camp Complaining"
• No weapon that is known
• On earth can yield the power
• Praise can do alone
• Quit looking at the future
• Redeem the time at hand
• Start every day with worship
• To "thank" is a command
• Until we see Him coming
• Victorious in the sky
• We'll run the race with gratitude
• Xalting God most high
• Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
• Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

To learn more about how much God loves you, click here: Salvation.

'Til Death Do Us Part
Deb Landry, Cyndi Moreno & Gail Cresswell

During February, Valentine's Day reminds us to celebrate love. Love for family, friends and some for a special person with whom they share a promise or a vow. At FBBC, we are surrounded and blessed by the sharing of love between couples: young love filled with excitement, newly married couples in stages of discovery, couples building their families, middle aged couples trying to keep up with grandchildren and aging parents, and finally, the deep true love and devotion of those who remain committed to each other in the twilight of their years. We asked the Pestkes, Fabrys, and Withers, married 68, 50, and 38 years, respectively, to share with you whatever is on their heart when they think about marriage. It is our desire that their words will be a blessing and encouragement to you in a world that too easily breaks commitments at the expense of developing true, unselfish love - the love the Lord intends for married couples, those who while living to conform to His image, struggle and laugh together - til death do us part.

God is Good All the Time

Lee & Dick Pestke
Married: August 4, 1940
Rochester, New York

Although Pastor Mullen led them to the Lord in 1974, Dick didn't really understand the magnitude of that decision until 1986 when Lee was in the hospital for 47 days and the doctor told him, Lee was not going to make it. After praying all night, he met the doctor in the elevator and the doctor said, "I don't know what happened, but your wife has started to improve!" That's when Dick knew first hand we have a faithful, miraculous God! For Lee, studying God's word as disciples of Irene and Mike Mateyka brought everything together. Here it is in their own words:

Life is full of good times and bad. There are wonderful trips, great friends, and incredible heartache, remaining committed to your marriage and each other. Divorce was never an option for us and for today's couples it still shouldn't be. Like us, you'll do a lot of foolish things, both of you, and you'll have to spend a lot of time forgiving each other. That's critical.

Women need to be patient and respectful of their husbands; allowing them to be the leader of the home. Communicate; you won't always understand what the other is trying to say but work through it. It's a daily task, even after 68 years! Share your money too, and always have a budget. "The future belongs to those who prepare for it," was said by Dick's mom many times. Buying our first home took 5 jobs between the two of us!

Stay focused on the Lord first, and then family. Love your children and say it and show it every day; you only get one chance with them and they truly are a blessing from God. Yes, and even when life seems backwards, like when the Lord took our son, Dick Jr., home, know that God is in control and has a plan and purpose for everything. Stay in the Word and pray, pray, pray.

Read the Pestke's entire interview by clicking here

Read More from the Fabrys and Withers

If these stories have been a blessing to you, we ask you to help us build our collection of wisdom. As a tribute to those who remain committed in marriage and as a testimony to Gods plan, we will be assembling a booklet and will gift our engaged couples with wisdom and truth from your hearts and minds. Please send your submissions to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it by April 30th.

Distant Sisters
Cathy Hinds

Cathy Hinds ministers as a missionary alongside her husband Don in the country of Guatamala.

Marriage on the mission field, or should I say staying married on the mission field, is a challenge destined to victory if we follow the Savior's instructions. That sounds easy, but obviously according to statistics of failing marriages in the body of Christ in general, it must be harder to do than it sounds.

There are extra challenges that a missionary couple face, especially if their mission is located in an isolated area without friends with whom they can share things in common like language, interests, problems, prayer, or worship. When a family leaves for the foreign field, there certainly is a void that really and truthfully only God can fill. Sometimes we don't see it right away because we are all excited to finally get to the field after all the weariness of deputation, selling it all, and so forth. The glory of being on the field and learning a new language, all the excitement and glamour of a new culture — this wears off. The emptiness catches up with us, and we must deal with it. Culture shock is real and puts stress on a marriage. We can try to fill the void with other things, but only fellowship with our Father God, abiding in Christ our Best Friend, our Great Savior and the Holy Spirit who lives in us and guides us will do the job. So we might as well get that straight from the get go. We must examine what true fellowship with Christ is, the submission to abiding in Christ that we learn so wonderfully in John 15. We must learn that only in God, by His wisdom and strength, will we be able to endure the hardships that come upon any marriage but especially on the foreign field. It's best if couples desiring to go the foreign field have this understanding before they head out for deputation.

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Learn more about the Hinds by visiting the site available by clicking online here .

HeartStrings Bible Studies

Our "Leading Lady": Penny Grace
Penny Grace

Penny Grace, wife of Pastor George Grace, will be teaching the March 10 women's Bible studies at 10:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. as the first of our Leading Ladies series -- Please join us and invite others to "come and hear Penny in person". Babysitting will be provided.

I graduated from college in 1966 and moved to Rochester to work at Kodak, where I soon met George Grace; we married January 27, 1968. We were separated when George was sent to Vietnam in 1969-1970; reunited, we began again, but by 1972, both age 26, we were moving in opposite directions. The Lord came into our lives when my husband was saved through a co-worker's witness; I was saved a few days later after attending a Friday night Bible study at FBBC on September 1, 1972. That was when we heard the Gospel for the first time, though we both grew up with strong religious teachings. We have been coming to FBBC ever since, and it has been a wonderful journey in the Lord!

We did not yet have children when we started at FBBC and soon became involved with the Bus and Youth Ministries at FBBC. Six months later, my husband felt led of the Lord to leave his job at Kodak to volunteer fulltime as the Bus Pastor under the founding Pastor Wayne Mullen, who "hired" my husband in spite of his new walk with the Lord. Shortly afterward, Pastor Mullen left and George became the Youth Pastor for eight years under the leadership of Pastor Jim Modlish, my husband's mentor in the ministry. During these years, George and I had our five children. In 1983, when our youngest was only a year old, George was called as Senior Pastor at FBBC when Pastor Modlish resigned. That made me The Pastor's Wife, a role the Lord had to convince me was where He wanted me to be, which I have grown to enjoy after all these years!

Our children graduated from Northstar Christian Academy under the guidance of wonderful teachers and leaders. All but one went on to college; they graduated as: Engineer, Christopher, who works as FBBC's IT "Minister"; Accountant, Kelly, who works part-time for Paychex; Theologian, Scott, a recent graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary who lives in Dallas awaiting the Lord's direction in the ministry; and Critical Care Nurse, Stephanie who has worked at Rochester General Hospital for four years. Our son Jeffrey hoped to be a fireman but a bad fall from a ladder that put an end to that goal; he has a very responsible job driving a school bus for Greece Central School District and is much involved in G&T Athletics. Chris and Kelly both married wonderful spouses, Wendy (Pike) and J.J. Garwood, and have given us our four terrific grandchildren: Ryan, Alayna, Iyla and Christopher Tyler, with a fifth expected in August 2009.

I was quite a "tomboy", growing up on a farm with eight siblings in Monroe, New York. I loved many sports, belonged to a Swim and Dive Club as a teen, and even won a couple diving trophies, but never made it to the Olympics! Though there have been struggles along the way, I have enjoyed each stage of life, but parenting was definitely the most challenging. However, the rewards are worth it all as you see your children take steps into adulthood and make good decisions for the most part, then produce the grandchildren that are such joys and help keep you youthful in your fading years.

I enjoy the Women's Ministry because I know that we all struggle from time to time in the roles we have as women, but I know now that by putting the Lord's truths and principles into practice, we can be assured of success in getting through those struggles. I want to encourage other Christian women in their walk with the Lord as the opportunities arise because the Lord has taught me so much over the years, especially in personal Bible Study and as the secretary for North Star Bible Institute since 1990. Only by continuing in His Word and seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance will your faith grow and the fruits of the Spirit be manifested so you can become the Christian wife, mother, employee, friend and witness that the Lord wants you to be. The Lord has been gracious to us through the ministry of FBBC, and it is our hope as we enter the last season of life, that we will continue to serve Him to the best of our ability wherever that takes us until the Lord calls us home or blows the trumpet.

So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
Romans 10:17

On Saturday, Feb. 21, 2009, from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. the One Heart Women's Ministry is inviting you to share in a great day of practical teaching. You may attend either the full day or half-day; both options include lunch. For those who attend in the morning, a continental breakfast will be served. This Heart-2-Heart Day is for ALL women. There will be a wide & practical range of topics offered: whether a women is single, married, a daughter or a mother, employed in the home or outside - or both! - the Lord will have something for every woman who has a desire to learn. Join us this Saturday at First Bible Baptist Church, 990 Manitou Road, in Hilton, NY.

"Good Times"...Restore 'em (cont.)
Pastor Mike Metzger

God made us male and female (Gen. 1:27, "male and female created he them".) This means you are different. You are incompatible! However, problems come when we want our spouse to talk, act, think, and feel like we do. They can't, because they are different by divine design. You are different so you can complete each other and become one. Just as truly as God's design of the human body is made so male and female can become one flesh, so is God's design in every aspect of your natures, to help you to become one.

This is demonstrated by how a man and woman differ in thinking and feeling. A man thinks and reasons and rationalizes and analyzes with his logic. He does not even consider his feelings in his conclusion or hypothesis. Just the facts. A woman uses emotions in her decisions. She does not look at the facts or logic alone, because they may be overruled by how she feels. Her strong emotions will overcome even the most logical facts.

God designed both sexes so a man will begin to understand how feelings are a part of decisions, and so a woman will make right decisions understanding and using logic and reasoning. Hence, you complete each other. Failure to consider these differences always leads to problems.

3. Priorities Out of Order (Matt. 6:33)

When we fail to place things in their proper order, we create chaos in our marriages. God is a God of order. Everything He designed has order. The universe is a good example. If Mars decided that it wanted to get out of its orbit and go to a different orbit and join Saturn's, the result would be catastrophic. Chaos would result as Mars could collide with other planets, get sucked into their gravitational pull and be destroyed, all because of not following God's order. So it is in marriage. God's order in 1 Corinthians 11 is God, Jesus, Man, Woman, Child. When a wife wants to take charge over her husband, it is out of order and results in chaos. When a husband passively relinquishes to his wife his responsibility to lead the home, it will result in disorder and chaos.

Other things such as placing work over children, or materialism over spirituality, or status over character are also out of God's order. There are many different areas that we may allow to have priority over what we know is a godly order for the home. This also will result in destruction.

4. Failure to Forgive (Ephesians 4:32)

This verse is not a suggestion but a command. We must understand that forgiveness cannot come from us, but from God. Saying sorry is not forgiveness. When you have wronged the one you love, you must go to your spouse and admit what you have done to hurt them. Then sincerely you must ask them to forgive you, promising that you will do your best not to offend them in this area again. Then your spouse has a choice to make: forgive, or not. It is when the spouse verbalizes their forgiveness for the offense that the relationship is restored. It does not mean that the spouse will forget, but the pain is gone. Forgiveness does not mean you will be instantly trusted. That will have to be earned back by accountability.

5. Lack of Communication (Ephesians 4:29)

This does not just mean a lack of talking between couples. It is a failure to reveal the true deep feelings that result in true intimacy in the marriage. To get to this level may feel dangerous and leaves us very vulnerable. It is safer to stay on a level of communication that does not deal with hard things. This level is the basics: Hi, how are you? What happened today? etc. See how safe it is, nothing harmful. When we share deep feelings, it may be dangerous. For example: "I was really hurt when you discussed that problem with the couple we were with last night. It really bothered me." This is speaking truth with love. This can be very dangerous because your spouse could respond very differently then you expect. So, we must speak with truth but also with love.

Most couples think that their problems come from lack of intimacy. They fail to realize that all five of the things above will result in barriers to true intimacy. Every one of these problems are things you can work on daily, with God's help. If there is anything that I can do to help you as a couple to restore the good times, please just call the church office at 392-0777 and make an appointment so we can help you. 

'Til Death Do Us Part (cont.)
Deb Landry, Cyndi Moreno & Gail Cresswell

A Key Found on the Mountain Top

Nancy and Nick Fabry
Married: June 21, 1958
Received the Lord Jesus Christ April, 1969
Rochester, New York

Nancy and Nick Fabry cannot find words that declare how much they treasure their marriage, their home and each member of their family. Except for their personal relationships with Jesus Christ, nothing brings more satisfaction than time spent with each other - over the last 50 years. They have lived and shared the "Rejection Principle" with others in their personal and professional lives and continue to do so. Here, in their own words, is what has been most important in marriage and all relationships:

When looking for that "one pearl of wisdom" among the innumerable Bible truths, Nick and I both feel that the Rejection Principle has played an important role in our marriage.

Many years ago, it was brought to our attention that human nature is such that when we feel rejected by word or deed, the natural man immediately passes the "rejection on" or gives it back. We could see how this could destroy our marriage. The Bible teaches the opposite. We should not do what comes naturally.

First, we should not receive rejection. Secondly, we should give acceptance back. Jesus Christ is the best example of this but there are many examples throughout the Bible. Another example is Joseph. It's kind of like the law of echoes. What happens when a person up on a mountain shouts, "I love you"? It comes back many times. The same is true if a person shouts, "I hate you". This has been a real key to our relationship, our interaction with our extended family, and with friends and acquaintances.

Read more from the Fabrys by clicking here

Best Friends Determined to Follow Tips

Evie and Terry Withers
Married: June 25, 1971
Rochester, New York

Evie and Terry Withers have known each other since they were kids and were high school sweethearts. After 45 years and about to celebrate 38 years of marriage, Evie admits, "My husband, my friend: I don't always understand him or always like him, but he's my friend. He's my best friend. He laughs at me, and I laugh at him, and sometimes we just laugh together. We go to church, and he has taught me what Christian love and sacrifice is all about." Here are the tips that were passed down to both of them, on how to keep a best friend:

1. Tolerate: You don't have to approve of little actions that annoy you, but you can tolerate most of them. Marriage creates a team. Work together. Present a united front.

2. Adjust your expectations: It's unrealistic to expect every marriage to duplicate the TV image of ongoing family bliss.

3. Accept responsibility for your own actions. Examine yourself to see if your own actions are causing problems, and be willing to admit it, and apologize. Discuss your differences in private.

4. Politeness: Treat your spouse with the same courtesy you would a stranger. Never do anything to embarrass your spouse especially in front of other people.

5. Laugh: Keep a sense of humor. Try to see the humor in life, and relax and laugh about it.

6. Communicate: Communication is so important. Plan your communication. Find the appropriate time. Avoid statements such as, "You always..." or, "You never..." Handle things in an understanding and loving way. Don't attack.

7. Christian faith: This is the stuff that can hold your marriage together when those rough patches come. Pray daily, together, and for each other.

8. Love, hug, and kiss each other. Don't expect actions or gifts alone to show your love. Verbalize it.

Read more from the Withers by clicking here

If these stories have been a blessing to you, we ask you to help us build our collection of wisdom.  As a tribute to those who remain committed in marriage and as a testimony to Gods plan, we will be assembling a booklet and will gift our engaged couples with wisdom and truth from your hearts and minds.  Please send your submissions to This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it by April 30th.

Distant Sisters (cont.)
Cathy Hinds

Let me write this as someone who has been on the brink of marital destruction but has been delivered by the amazing mercy, love, grace, and excellent loving kindness of our Great Savior. Also I give thanks to my really good and patient husband; I so admire his kindness. We just celebrated our 38th anniversary that only could have happened by God's grace.

Over the past years our missionary friends have followed God on to other missions, leaving us here in Guatemala with no English-speaking friends close by with whom we can share our burdens, or fellowship with, or to celebrate holidays ... So what should I do? Make my husband fill in the gap, dump all my burdens on him, expect him to understand how I feel (which how could a guy possibly know how I feel anyway), have pity parties, justify eating too much chocolate, be depressed when he doesn't understand, accuse him of not being what he should be for me? And there's more: being moody, spiritually weak, justifying not doing what I ought to do when I ought to do it, taking it all out on him like it's all his fault boo-hoo, poor me. It ended up that I was having expectations of him that God did not call him to do for me. I was having a real walking-in-the-flesh party. Well, I can tell you for sure they are not fun; you don't want to go there. To say the least that attitude did not get a positive loving response from my husband. I'm not accepting any more invitations to those parties. God by His grace has shown me a better way. I needed to change my ways, trade my pride in for a humble heart and let God teach me and help me as I abide in Him.

What is love? Ya gotta have it to give it! I learned that physical attraction or sweetie pie emotion, however pleasant is not enough; it is certainly temporal. We really must continue in the love of Jesus (John 15:9), which is eternal, to make a marriage work. We receive love from Him and we in turn learn how to give it out. If we don't receive it from Him, we don't have it to give. We are commanded to love God and one another. God's word teaches us how. We must love God's word if we really love God, John 14:21-23. I don't know how many times I have been on the verge of sin and a still small voice said to my heart, "Do you really love Me, daughter? Then, apply My word in Psalm 119:165 to this offense." Another place that the Holy Spirit continues to help me when I'm on the brink of sin is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, as that still small voice quotes those scriptures to my heart. He helps me to realize and confess my pride and selfishness, which are the root of all of my contentions in my marriage. If I applied the grace and truth of these scriptures to the situations in my marriage, I would not be contentious but more like Christ. It's all about Him anyway and it's all His glory. I decided that I wanted to love my husband with the love of Christ, His way, His glory not for my own selfish gain.

Developing good habits at the start of each day literally saves the day in our marriage.

1. Praising and thanking God, asking God for a positive thankful attitude for my husband at the start of each day, dedicating my life to His pleasure and my husband's. This can only be done with a submitted heart abiding in Christ.

2. Praying the prayer of Psalm 139:23-24 so God will examine my thoughts and heart and reveal to me that which displeases Him, and then asking Him to lead through the steps of this day making my heart tender so I avoid sin before I fall into temptation.

3. Praying for my husband as a godly wife, making the decision to walk in submission to his authority with patience, without pride, but ready to help. I needed to realize the importance of being a good example to those who are watching, Titus 2:3-5.

4. To be there for my husband but without expectations. Psalm 62:5 "My soul, wait thou only upon God for my expectation is from him." To not expect him to do what God has promised to do. Let my husband be my husband and let God be God.

5. To learn to laugh and enjoy life with my husband with a grateful, happy attitude, which doesn't come easily to my melancholy personality. I'm learning to let my pleasure be in making life a pleasure for him.

6. I must train my mind to cast out wrong thoughts and lies immediately with the power of the truth of 2 Corinthians 10:5, and then fill my thoughts with the loveliness of Philippians 4:8, renewing my mind in Ephesians 4:23.

7. I must train my mouth to speak with charity, the bond of perfectness, and to keep my word.

8. I must realize that unconditional love does not allow a critical spirit, which comes only from pride.

The hope and success of our marriage lies in the abiding Christ within me and my abiding in Him. To God only wise be glory through Jesus Christ forever.

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