Terry and Evie Withers

Married: June 25, 1971

Rochester, New York

My Husband - My Friend, and Tips to Keep It That Way

I’ve known him since we were kids. We were high school sweethearts. Here we are 45 years later, and about to celebrate 38 years of marriage.  My husband, my friend… I don’t always understand him or always like him, but – he’s my friend.  He’s my best friend.

He laughs at me, and I laugh at him, and sometimes we just laugh together.  We go to church and he has taught me what Christian love and sacrifice is all about. He has been by my side for the births of our ten children.  He has been with me through both good times and bad. He tells jokes and cooks breakfast, lunch, and dinner, when I haven’t been able to.

He sounds grumpy at times, but he’s really a quiet and kind man.

He’s easy going, and adapts to most situations.

He’s fun to spend time with.

He shares my disappointments and my joys.

He cheers me up when I am down.

I can talk to him about anything…

even if it doesn’t make sense, or really isn’t interesting to him.

He holds me close…he cares about me.

He’s my husband.

He’s my best friend.

How to keep a best friend…there are tips passed down to both of us, and now they’re here for you:

1.   Tolerate: You don’t have to approve of little actions that annoy you, but you can tolerate most of them.  Marriage creates a team.  Work together.  Present a united front.

2.   Adjust your expectations:  It’s unrealistic to expect every marriage to duplicate the TV image of ongoing family bliss.

3.   Accept responsibility for your own actions.  Examine yourself to see if your own actions are causing problems, and be willing to admit it and apologize.  Discuss your differences in private. 

4.   Politeness: Treat your spouse with the same courtesy you would a stranger.  Never do anything to embarrass your spouse – especially in front of other people.

5.   Laugh:  Keep a sense of humor.  Try to see the humor in life, and relax and laugh about it.

6.   Communicate: Communication is so important.  Plan your communication.  Find the appropriate time.  Avoid statements such as, “You always” or, “You never.”  Handle things in an understanding and loving way.  Don’t attack.

7.   Christian faith: This is the “stuff” that can hold your marriage together when those rough patches come.  Pray daily together, and for each other. 

8.   Love: Hug and kiss each other. Don’t expect actions or gifts alone to show your love.  Verbalize it. 

While we have not been perfect in following all of these points, we have determined to come back to them when problems arose, and been able to resolve whatever difficulties we have had. So, as we continue side by side, hand in hand, moving forward in the same direction, we wish you a happy and successful marriage.