Are you slowly killing your marriage?

Are you slowly killing your marriage?

The expectation of Ever After fills everyone’s wedding day with irresistable hope.  What could ever go wrong?  Marriage doesn’t take long to move from dreams to realities. Without persistent hard work and the uphill climb of humility, every relationship deteriorates. We become suspicious of motives, we cater to selfishness and walk the road of contempt. Contempt is viewing someone as worthless or even vile. The road from love to contempt is not as long as we would imagine, and it does not need a list of deep offenses. We see this in the marriage of King David.

2 Samuel 6:16
“And as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart”

The marriage of David and Michal started out with great anticipation. David was a fearless rookie warrior and was in favor with the king. Michal, daughter of King Saul, was in great admiration as she falls in love with David (1 Samuel 18:20). Skipping through many years, there was one day that, as David celebrates the renewed presence of God, he finds himself dancing in the streets. As the parade of celebrators makes its way through the city, it passes David’s own house. While the whole city is in euphoria, David’s wife is sulking at home, glaring out the front window. The reason is not stated, but this is a climax of a festering sour relationship.

While the marriage of David and Michal is crumbling in areas unknown to us, this day was the wrecking ball hit that took it out. Michal “despised” her husband. This is the same word used to describe how Goliath viewed scrawny little David before their epic “battle” (1 Samuel 17:42). Goliath looked down at David as he entered the arena of battle and laughed at his size and age. In the same way, David’s wife Michal peered out the window and spit on his celebration. To her, David was at the bottom of the worthless pile.

David’s wife Michal peered out the window and spit on his celebration

Michal is not giving David any of the attention that honors the one she chose to love till death parted them. We may be on the same short path she found herself on.

  • We hold back our praise for a job well done.
  • We discuss the shortcomings of our spouse with friends.
  • We are indifferent to the hurts our spouse experiences.
  • We fail to defend the integrity or reputation of our spouse.
  • We are comfortable with less time together.

It doesn’t take long for any relationship to move from love and respect to dislike and ridicule. There are a few decisions we must make to build a defense around our marriages and relationships.

  1. Keep short accounts with one another about hurts and misunderstandings. No long-standing marriage would deny the obstinate determination it takes to have a healthy relationship.
  2. There must be regular deposits in the love and respect boxes that we keep for one another. We should reserve our strongest commitment for the one we chose to marry. We need to be the biggest fan our spouse ever has.

Without these two decisions, our relationships walk the short road to disdain. David and Michal would agree.


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