The Most Difficult Person to Forgive

Written by Vinnie Tumia

There is a worthy call for us to extend grace and forgiveness to those who violate our trust and friendship. God requires this of us, and we understand that. But there is one person we often overlook— ourselves.

While we will give a second chance to people who hurt us, we often condemn ourselves to solitary confinement for our failures. It seems easier to give grace to others because we can get away from them at some point. The problem with forgiving ourselves is that we know..

• each lie
• every lust-filled thought
• each moment of jealousy
• every sarcastic response
• each temper tantrum
• every cuss word

We have to live with ourselves and our condemning conscience 24/7. So we end up hanging our regrets like a wanted poster in the halls of our minds.

Genesis 45:5  “Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.”

Joseph opened the prison his brothers placed themselves in when they betrayed him years before. His kindness was unexpected and undeserved. As a veteran in forgiveness, Joseph told his brothers their next step was to forgive themselves.  

“…be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither.”

While Joseph willingly forgave them, they seemed to end each day by returning to a dark prison of regret. Yet, despite their awful failure, the sovereign God turned their evil into beauty. 

“…for God did send me before you to preserve life.”

When we submitted to the gospel, God unlocked the door of our prison and declared us guilt-free. While we deserve the prison, it is no longer where God expects us to live. When we regularly return to our cell of regret, we hold ourselves to a higher standard than God. While God freed us, it’s up to us whether we return to that cell each time our conscience drags us to the crime scene in our mind.

No matter how we try, we can never rewind time. What is in our past will always be there. So we must allow ourselves to walk out of the prison of self-condemnation, learn whatever lessons we can, and move forward.

God forgave us every sin, and now we must learn to follow His lead.