How to Know If You Are Forgiving 

Written by Vinnie Tumia

Relationships are messy. Every day we test their strength as we live with our pet peeves, personality differences, and hurts. Even the best relationships have down days. We can expect problems, but what we do with hurt is what God watches closely.

The negative responses are many:

• Avoid the person.
• Retaliate.
• Become bitter and mean.
• Use the silent treatment.
• Ignore the issue and hope time erodes the friction.
• Build a tribe of support around us and against the other person.

These are natural, human responses when someone crosses our self-made boundaries of right and wrong. Because these responses are innate, however, does not mean they are acceptable.

Genesis 50:19-21 “And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them.”

Joseph knew the depth of relational betrayal. When he was 17, his brothers became pioneers in human trafficking. The ten older brothers hated the perceived arrogance of Joseph. They felt dad spoiled and favored him, and they’d had enough. They trapped him and sold him to some merchants headed to Egypt. His initial time in captivity was a roller coaster of mostly bitter mistreatment and abuse.

In one of the most incredible plot twists in history, Joseph climbed the ladder to become the second most powerful man in Egypt. It was here that Joseph reunited with his sinister brothers. For most, this would be a sweet time for revenge. Joseph had the power, and the justified reason, to repay these criminals. Instead, Joseph’s integrity and relationship with God moved him to forgiveness.

Consider three things that motivated Joseph:

• He recognized God’s sovereignty. Joseph understood his place compared to God. “…am I in the place of God?” This first step in forgiveness is recognition that God is in control, and it’s not our place to get even.
• He realized the goodness of God. “God meant it unto good.” No matter how deep the hurt, God makes beauty from ashes.

Giving grace to the offender is never easy. This choice requires God’s help. But Joseph did more than just tell his brothers he would forgive them. “I will nourish you and your little ones.”

[The] choice [to forgive] requires God’s help.

Grace is more than overlooking a hurt or trying to move on. Grace is reversing course and doing good for that person. It gives what someone may not deserve, even when it would feel better to retaliate.

Are you forgiving? Look at the evidence, and you will know.